第８話 恋のライバル 原題：Jesse's Girl
冒頭より。
Ahhhh.
Da: Joey, what's going on down here? What's with all
the screamin'?
Jo: Danny, this psycho was about to mash my potato.
Je: I was not. I heard a noise down here.
I thought it was a prowler.
Jo: Liar!
Je: Shhh. Alright, follow me. I think it's over here.
DJ: Hello.
Da: Don't ever say hello to your father like that again.
St: Do you guys play baseball every night after
we go to sleep?
Jo: Well, actually girls, your uncle Jesse's holding
a bat because he's, uh, a wee bid miffed at me.
Je: A wee bit miffed? I'm miffed off. When I think about
what you did to me tonight.
Jo: Come on Jesse. Let's let bygones be bygones.
Je: Alright. By. You're gone.
Da: I don't know what's going on here, but why don't you
guys just stop this and give each other a hug.
A high five.
Je: I'm not in the mood. Do you know why? I'll tell you why.
It's all because of a little story entitled
"Mean Mr.Joey stabs sweet innocent uncle Jesse in the back".
DJ: Story time.
St: Yeah.
Da: Girls, you don't want to hear "Mean Mr.Joey stabs
sweet innocent uncle Jesse in a back", do you?
DJ: Yeah, it's got a great title.
Da: Alright, one quick story but don't even think about
staying up to watch Letterman. This'd/This better be PG.
Je: It all started last week. The exterminator business
was slow. So I decided to start teaching guitar.
And I was waiting for my new student to show up.
She's a lady...No, she's not...She's a woman...
She's a muchacha? Maybe she's a man.
D: Uncle Jesse, there's a girl here to see you.
This one's great.
J: Uh, that must be my new guitar student.
D: Yeah, right. Come on in.
C: Hi. I'm Corinna Spicer.
J: I'm Jesse Cochran.
D: I'm out of here.
J: Corinna, it's a real pretty name. So welcome to the
Jesse Cochran school of music. I'll take this please.
C: Interesting decor. (I) don't meet a lot of men
with little pink bunnies on their walls.
J: I'm also a musketeer.
C: I like that in a man.
J: Good. 'cause today is anything-can-happen day.
Here you go. Take a seat. Why? Because we like you.
I kill myself.
C: Well, Jesse. I have to warn you I have absolutely
no musical experience. I teach second grade and I
wanna accompany my kids in/on sing-alongs.
J: That's wonderful. You get to work with children.
I love youngsters.
S: Uncle Jesse.
J: Not now.
C: Oh.
J: Ohhh, poor Mr.Teddy. I'll tell you what, as soon as we're
done, I'll help you sew Mr.Teddy's head right back on the
Mr.Teddy's body, OK, honeybunch, sugar pie.
S: Honeybunch, sugar pie? This is weird. You're pretty.
Watch him.
J: My little niece like it's just *******.
OK, back to music. Alright, now I'm gonna teach you two
simple cords and in no time you're gonna be playing a song, alright?
First cord, it's an A cord. A cord...You're real
pretty when you smile like that. Sorry, back to music.
Anyway the next cord would be a D cord which is this note,
this note and that note. Try that.
C: Uh...Gyhhnn.
J: Perfect. Good. You now have more musical knowledge than
Twisted Sister. With those two cords you can play 374
tunes including such campfire favorites as...
歌のレッスンを飛ばして、
約４０秒後。レッスン後です。
J: After the lesson I invited Corinna out for a little
ride on my motorcycle. Seven hours later...
J: Ahh, you see that's "The Power of Love", that's good.
You wanna stay and have a drink?
C: Uh, I really can't. I have other plans. But thank you for
a great day. Guitar lesson and picnic by the bay,
candlelight dinner in the wine country. You do this
for all your students?
J: Well, that was the deluxe lesson. That'll be 475 dollars.
C: The check's in the mail.
J: Oh, really?(?)
C: I'll see you next lesson, Wednesday night?
J: OK. Corinna. I had a really nice time today.
DS: Ill!
J: Those are my nieces.
C: Bye, Jesse.
J: Goodbye, Corinna. Have mercy.
Don't ever ooh when your uncle's kissing.
キッチンでの会話を飛ばして、
約２分１０秒後。ダニーがオズの魔法使いの話をするところから。
Da: Here we go. Popcorn du jour.
All in honor of Stephanie's first viewing
of the Wizard Of Oz.
St: I'm psyched.
Da: You should be, honey, it's the sweetest little movie.
There's this pretty girl, Dorothy,
and she's gotten/got this adorable dog Toto,
who gets kidnapped by this horrible witch.
But she gets her dog back, and her house flies through the air,
and then it lands on this other horrible witch.
whose feet curl up like party favors.
Trust me, honey. It's the sweetest little movie.
Jo: Hi, I'm uh Joey. Can I help you, please?
Co: I'm here to see Jesse?
Jo: Aren't they all.(?)
Co: I'm Corinna Spicer, I have a guitar lesson.
Jo: Oh, uh Jesse called and said he's running a little bit late.
Um, would you like to watch the Wizard Of Oz with us?
Co: Oh, yes. My favorite movie, yeah.
Jo: Ah, it's mine too. Come on in. Uh, Corinna,
this is Danny, Stephanie, DJ, and Michelle. Corinna.
Co: Hi.
Ev: Hi.
DJ: Oh, dad. Something happened to the TV.
It's snowing in Kansas.
Da: The cable goes out every time there's a storm.
St: Fix it.
Da: Steph, this is not something I can fix.
St: Fix it.
Da: Steph, I'm gonna call the cable company.
St: You'll get a busy signal. Fix it.
Da: Why wasn't I born a cable repairman?
Jo: Hey, no problem. I do that Wizard Of Oz bit in my act.
St: Somebody do something, I'm very upset.
Jo: Okay, everybody, gather around for the Wizard Of Oz.
Grab a seat, right in front. Here we go.
Jo: Hyyyyuuuu. Dorothy, Dorothy. Auntie Em, Auntie Em.
A twister, a twister, a twister.
Ahahahaha.... Hyyyuuu..... Wooooo...
It sure is scary around these parts.
There's probably lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.
Come on, you guys.
Ev: Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.
Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.
Jo: Bllll..... Ha ha ha...
Put him up. Put him up.
If I were the king of the foreeeeeeest.
I am the great and powerful oz!
Ssss.... I'm melting, melting, I feel like butter.
You've always had the power to get back to Kansas,
just click your heels together three times and say,
"There's no place like home."
"There's no place like home."
"There's no place like home."
Hyyuuuu.. Dorothy, wake up?
Your teeth are finished.
Jo: Well, what d'you think?
St: Fix it.
Co: Oh, Joey, I loved it.
Da: Yeah, that was an incredible simulation.
I hope you won't feel bad when I rent the tape tomorrow.
OK, girls, come on.
It's time to get you into your pajamas and ready for bed.
DS: Oh...
Da: It should only take five or six hours.
DJ: Good night Joey.
St: Good night Joey.
Jo: Good night.
Co: Good night, Oh great kids.
Jo: Yeah, they're the greatest kids in the history of kids.
Co: I love how children are so open and natural.
I think that's why I went into teaching.
Jo: That's why I refused to grow up.
Co: Oh, you seem pretty grown-up to me.
Jo: Who, me? The guy who keeps Abe Lincoln on a stick in his bedroom?
Co: Joey, you are so funny. I think that a sense of humor is a
very sexy quality in a man. Your girlfriend must adore you.
Jo: I.. I don't have a girl friend.
Co: You're not seeing anybody?
Jo: Well, sort of. I'm seeing the dentist next Wednesday.
Co: Well if things don't work out between you and the dentist.
Maybe, you and I could get together.
Jo: Dr. Hoffman's pretty cute, but he is married.
So.. uh.. pick a time.
Co: How about right after my guitar lesson with Jesse?
Jo: Jesse. Corinna. Jesse, yeah. Yeah.
Uh… Excuse me, I'm gonna go check on something in the kitchen.
Co: Can I give you a hand?
Jo: Uh… No. I'm doing fine.
Co: What exactly are you checking on?
Jo: Oh, I'm just doing some random checking. Alright, Salt, pepper, duck,
stove, sink, faucet, Jesse's girl. Well, everything checks out.
You know he is really crazy about you.
Co: Yeah, well, Jesse is really a terrific guy, and we had a really nice day
together. But to be honest, there was nothing really special between us.
Je: That's not exactly how Jesse puts it. And if there's one thing in life
that's sacred, "You never mess with a buddy's girl."
Co: But I'm not his girl. All Jesse and I had between us was
with/this one little innocent kiss good bye. It was nothing, really.
It was one of these.
Jo: Oh, that, right there. There was nothing.
Co: It's how I kiss my grandmother.
Jo: You must be very close.
Co: It was like four-lip shaking hands. Look, we can try it again.
Jo: Oh, good. You're home.
Jo: So, where was I?
Je: I came in, and I found you kissing the woman of my dreams.
Jo: Oh, yeah, good memory. So there we were.
Jesse had walked in to, found me kissing the woman of his dreams.
Jo: Oh, good. You're home.
Je: What the hell is going on here?
Jo: Well, Jesse, actually it's very simple. Uh.. Corinna was
choking on some bad cheese. So I initiated Heimlich maneuver.
And when that didn't work, I tried to suck out the cheese
using the Hoover maneuver.
Je: So, you weren't kissing, you were searching for cheese?
Jo: You look upset.
Je: Oh, why would I be upset?
You were saving the life of someone who's very special to me.
Co: Jesse...
Je: Corinna, please.
I'm not really in the mood to give a guitar lessen tonight,
besides you're probably still reeling from that near-death by cheese.
Why don't you go home and practice?
Jo: Jesse, wait a minute. There's something I have to say.
Corinna really wasn't choking on any bad cheese.
Je: No.
Jo: We were kissing.
Je: No. Corinna, Joey and I should probably uh, have a word together alone.
Co: Look, I.. I'm really sorry if there was any misunderstanding.
I didn't mean to cause any trouble.
Jo: Well, there won't be any trouble. Jesse and I are very close friends,
we'll have a heart-to-heart, and work this thing out in a very calm,
rational, adult manner.
Je: Come here, come here.
Jo: Freeze. I've a baby and I know how to use it.
Je: Really?
Je: Joey.
Jo: I'm warning you, she's loaded.
Je: Put the baby down.
Jo: Not a chance.
Je: Good.. OK. Fine. I'll wait. You gotta put the kid down sometime.
(In) two or three days that diaper's gonna weigh five to six
hundred pounds.
Jo: Jesse, I'm really sorry.
I should've stopped everything cold before anything happened.
I should've talked to you.
Je: Really.
Jo: Yeah, you.. you were right. I..
I felt this instant magic and I fell in love with her.
Je: You fell in love with her.
You can't fall in love with her, man,
I fell in love with her first.
Jo: I'm sorry but she likes me more.
Je: How can she like you more than she likes me.
Da: Boys, stop this. Michelle has enough love for all of us.
Don't make her choose. Now, both of you give her a kiss.
Go ahead. Give her a kiss.
Mi: Au.. ... Jaija..
子供たちを寝かせるシーンを飛ばして、
約４０秒後
Da: Guys, come here.
Je: What do you want now?
Da: Before you guys duel to the death, let's have one more
conversation to work things out.
Je: Not with this scum.
Da; O.K., then just talk to me.
Da: Let me ask you, boys, a question, or two about your beloved Corinna.
What are the things she cares about most in the world?
What does she look for in a relationship with a man?
Let's try this one. What color are her eyes?
Je: Hazel.
Jo: Green.
Je: Green, hazel.
Jo: Hazel green.
Je: They have white around the edge, don't they?
Da: Anybody know her last name?
JJ: Spicer.
Da: Pat ****** knows more about his contestants.
You know, I don't think you fell in love with Corinna.
That takes time. I think maybe you fell in love with being in love.
Am I right, Jesse?
Je: (Well,) I do seem to fall in love a lot,
but it's just because I'm always hoping that this is the one.
I just wanna meet one nice special girl I could spend my life with.
Da: Oh, Jesse, everybody wants that. But you don't have to try so hard.
When the right woman comes along, you will really know it.
Jo: I could've sworn Corinna was it. Ha.. Maybe, I did go a little overboard.
I guess I was just shocked that she liked me as much as I liked her.
Je: Why you shocked? Have a little faith in yourself.
You're a good guy. As much as I hate to admit it.
It seems like Corinna likes you more than she likes me.
God, I hate to admit it. All right you're not scum.
Jo: I know that comes from your heart, Jess.
Da: That was almost semi-touching.
Je: Did you hear that noise? I told you someone was out here.
Co: Hi.
Je: Corinna. What are you doing here? Come in.
Co: I... I really felt terrible about tonight, and I came back to
apologize. But then I heard chatting so I decided to go home.
Then I felt even worse. *** I decided to come back.
Look, you both are great guys, and I would hate
to do anything to mess up with your friendship.
I'm really sorry. OK, now I'm gonna go home again, good-bye.
Je: Hold on a second. I may have met you first,
but I think we all know who belongs together here.
Why don't you take some time and get to know Joey.
He's a good guy. He's got pajama problems, but...
Jo: I love this guy.
Je: Hug her, not me,
Jo: Sorry.
Je: You, big Dummy.
Da: Come on, Jesse, let's leave these two alone.
By the way, what were you really gonna do with the bat?
Je: I was gonna kill him.
Da: That's what I would've done.
DS: Ill!
Jo: Good night.
DS: Good night.
Jo: Good night.
DS: Good night.
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