第３話　うれしおそろし幼稚園 　原題：The First Day of School

冒頭より。

DJ: So, Kimmy.
    We gotta be the first ones to class tomorrow,
    to get the seats in a back row.
Ki: Okay.  Why?
DJ: Because it's the best place to pass notes.
Ki: I love the way your mind works.
St: This outfit is all wrong.
    Tomorrow is the first day of kindergarten
    and I have nothing to wear.
DJ: Your bed is full of clothes.
St: Yeah, but they're not me.
    Well, they're me, but they're the pre-school me.
Ki: I'll sit anywhere you want
    as long as it's not near Arthur Wilcox.
DK: Arthur Wilcox, Ill!
St: Who's Arthur Wilcox?
DK: Ill!
DJ: Steph, please, Kimmy and I are talking about school.
St: So am I.  What if I walk into the class
    wearing a goofy outfit.
    And everyone says, "Stephanie Tanner, Ill!!".
DJ: Would you stop worrying.  Kindergarten is so easy.
    The only thing you have to know is the pleadge of allegiance
St: The what?
DK: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the
    republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with
    liberty and justice for all.
St: I'm dead meet.


Je: Kimmy, your mom's downstairs.
Jo: Sicne you're supposed to be home a half an hour ago.
Ki: Uh-oh, that's the third time today.
    She's gonna kill me.
DJ: Don't panic.  Just set your watch back half an hour.
Ki: I love the way your mind works.
St: Uncle Jesse, how do I look?
Je: Like a bag lady.
DJ: What happened to Michelle?
Je: Well, your sister, Michelle tried to eat her dinner by pushing
    it through her face.
Jo: Yeah, we'd better give her a bath.
Je: I see.  Good ide...  Do we know how to do that?
Jo: Oh, sure, it's just like giving a puppy a bath.
    I mean, only.. She has a little less tail to clean.

ミシェルがシャワーを浴びるシーンを飛ばして、
約１分後。ＤＪとステフが寝ようとしていると・・・

St: DJ, are you asleep?
DJ: I can't tell I think I'm blind.
St: Will you look at one more outfit?
DJ: Steph, I've seen your entire wardrobe twice.
St: Okay.  Well, listen to the pledge.
    I pledge allegiance to the flag of some States of America...
DJ: I'm gonna tuck you in, very tight.
St: And to the public which understands with God
    and liberty...  I'm dead meet.

ジェシーとジョーイのラブラブシーンを飛ばして、
約２分４０秒後、ダニーパパが子供たちの寝室へ・・・。

St: Hi, daddy.
DJ: Hi, dad.
Da: Why is everybody awake?
DJ: I'll show you.
St: I'm ready for school.
Da: Honey, you're ready for the prom.
St: You said this would be good.
DJ: Hey, if you can't have fun with your little sister,
    then what's the point in having one..

Da: Good morning, boys.
Jo: Good morning, pa.  ****.
Je: Little Joe.
Da: How did it go last night?
Jo: Uh, well, I started out great. But right in the middle
    I just...
Da: No,no. I meant in the bathtub with *****.
Je: Look, I finished Love me tender. We did a short melody
    from Viva Las Vegas. We got to hell out of the tub.
DJ: Dad, we're all ready.
Da: Girls, I don't wanna brag Chef Boy-ar-dad has
    made some super great lunches for super great first
    day of school. And you know what, Stephanie, for you
    I've got a brand-new lunch box.
St: The Jetsons.
Jo: Prrrr... Hi, I'm home. Hi, Jane, hi, Eloy, hi, Astro
     *   *   *   *   *   ????
Da: And DJ, for you I've got a brand-new Barbie lunch box.
Jo: I don't do Barbie.
Je: Oh, darn.
DJ: Thanks, dad. But fifth graders don't carry lunch boxes
    any more.
Da: Try to sell it to a first graders.
    Come on, Steph. We don't wanna miss our bus.
St: I guess not.
Da: Wait girls, Stephanie, honey, are you sure you don't
    want me to go with you?
DJ: Don't worry, dad. I'll make sure she's OK.
St: Yeah, it'll be fun.
Da: Oh, you girls are really grown up. Stephanie's starting school.
    Wait here, I'm gonna get my video camera.
    Don't move. Okay, you just come in when I tell you to.
    Okay, when I say action. Okay now, give me your love. Action.

ジェシーとジョーイの歌を飛ばして、
約１分後、ステフが行きたくないと、戻ってきてしまいます・・・

St: I've changed my mind.  I'm not going.

Da: Steph, honey, what do you mean you're not going to school?
St: I don't feel good. Maybe I'll go next year.
Da: You don't look sick.
St: Is that better?
Jo: Oh, the face is almost there. Give it kind of, uh,
    like that in throwing a real hacking cough, ehh.
DJ: Come on, you're gonna miss the bus.
St: Ehh.
DJ: Steph, are you OK?
Jo: See, now you're tricking people.
Da: DJ, you go on ahead. Steph's little nervous about her
    first day at school. I'll make sure she gets there.
DJ: OK, Steph, see you there.
Da: Stephanie, wait a minute. Where are you going?
    Steph, I want to talk to you.
    Sweet heart, don't you wanna go to school and be smart?
St: I'll stay home and watch public television.
Da: Come on, Steph. Spill your guts.
    Why don't you want to go to school?
St: Because I don't know anybody. I'll be all alone. It'll
    be real scary I won't know anybody.
    And I won't have any friends.
Da: Uh, Steph, you're gonna make friends. I promise.
    You and I, we're gonna go down there together.
    And dad is not gonna leave until everything's alright.
Jo: Yeah, you're just nervous 'cause it's your first day.
Je: Yeah, you see? First times can be scary.
    But they can be exiting too.
    I remember real exiting first time for me. I was fourteen.
    I went out with this incredible college girl,
    Merissa Delacroix, we went to the drive-in.
    First, I was, you know, kind of nervous
    and a little scared. But then Melissa, uh, she kind of,
    I don't know, she got kind of friendly.
    Let's just say first times can be great.
Da: Not a helpful story.
Jo: But darn entertaining.


St: OK, I came to kindergarten. We can go home now.
Da: Steph, wait a minute, honey, sweet heart. Baby don't worry.
    You're gonna feel much better as soon as you meet someone.
    Oh, look, here comes a real nice little girl right now.
LG: I'm never going back in there again. Never never never. NO!
Da: Let's wait for another little girl. One who has better
    outlook on life. I know, well, this..... We'll play
    for a while, and will ease our way into this, OK? Come here.
    Oh, look honey. It's a slide, your very favorite.
St: This is like the lollipop they give before the big shot,
    isn't it?
Da: Oh, no no no. Why didn't I bring a lollipop here?
    Come on honey, we're gonna play on this slide.
    Here we go, it's just fun.
    Weee, oh yeah, it's fun. Now it's my turn. Here I go, here we go.
    You know, if we're having this much fun outside the class.
    Just imagine a barrel of momkeys waiting for us inside, huh?
    Oh, Michelle, oh, honey. What's wrong, sweet heart?
St: She's scared too. See what she did?
Da: Oh, yeah. She's got a pamper full of fright.
    I'm gonna go change her real quick, sweetheart.
    I want you wait inside the class, OK?
St: OK, but I don't know anybody in there.
Je: Hey, Steph. What's shaking?
St: Uncle Jesse, what are you doing here.
Je: Come here. I'll tell you. I was on my way to work and
    since I happened to be a part time exterminator.
    I thought I'd stop by and make sure there's no pest, bugs,
    or varmints material in your classroom. Other than these rug rats.
    Look, I made this for you.
St: What is it?


Je: It's either a dog with no head, or an ashtray.
St: Dog with no head. Will you stay here, and never leave.
Je: Oh, what's the matter? No pals yet?
    I don't know why, you look pretty. Smell O.K.
    All right, you stay here and get ready to learn some new names,
    alright?
Je: Attention, all Munchkind.
    Free milks all around compliment to the coolest kid in class,
    Stephanie Tanner. Make a friend, get a free milk.
St: Great! Now I have no friends and… no milk.
Je: I can't believe that milk scam didn't work.
    All right, we go to my specialty, personal charm.
    You wait right here, I'll be back with your new best friend.
    Okay? Sit down there.
Je: Little, girl, how do you lie to make a new friend?
Girl: Stranger, stranger, stranger…
Te: Oo..wow. What's going on here?
Je: Nothing! I'm just trying to help the kids become friends.
    That's all.
Te: Who are you?
Je: I'm uh… I'm this pretty little girl's father. Right Steph?
St: Uh… O.K.
Te: Oh! Look as long as you are here, would you come with me to supply 
    room and kill something with eight legs.
Je: I'll be right back, Steph. This happens to me all the time.
    Everybody loves the exterminator.
Jo: Hi, Stephanie.
St: Hi.
Jo: Wow! This place is great. You got toys and blocks and pin the tail
    on the donkey. (I) sure wish I lived here.
St: Here take my place.
Jo: O.K. There's only one surefire way to make friends.
    It's duck duck goose time. 
    All right, everybody Stephanie has a great idea, it's duck duck 
    goose time in a circle, that's right. We're ducking, we are goosing, 
    we're having a great time. All right, O.K. sit'n'down,
    O.K. Yeah, Duck duck goose, my favorite, duck duck duck…..goose,
    you gotta catch me. wo.. we're having a great time...... Ha Ha… Hello.
T: Go to your chair, find your chairs. Who are you?
Jo: Uh.. I'm this pretty little girl's father.
St: Uh.. O.K.
Da: What are you guys doing here?
T: Who are you?
Da: Oh, me? I'm this adorable little girl's father.
St: Uh-huh.
Je: What? Elizabeth Tailor's daughter had seven fathers.


Jo: Wow, Danny, more good news, DJ is going over the wall.
Da: Oh, yeah, this dad stuff's a piece of cake.
    Here, take little poopster. Stay right here.
St: O.K. Daddy, daddy, and daddy.
Da: Freeze. What is this? I don't want to jump to conclusions.
    But it appears what we have here is my daughter ditching school,
    throwing away her future, and basically becoming
    a juvenile delinquent?
DJ: In a nutshell, yes.
Da: Do you mind if I ask you a question
    before you go knock off Seven-Eleven?
    Why are you dropping out of school?
DJ: Because they put me in the smart class.
Da: The advanced class? DJ, that's wonderful.
DJ: Dad, it's geek-fill USA. These kids at the first day of school,
    they brought homework. And get this, I'm the only blonde.
    And worst of all, they split me and Kimmy up.
Da: Hum, I know you are disappointed.
    But it's not like you'll never see Kimmy again.
    She lives next door.
DJ: Dad, you don't understand.
    Kimmy and I have always been in the same class. 
    Now, I'm in a room full of eggheads.
    They are worse than eggheads they are omelet heads.
Da: DJ, It's the omelet-heads who rule the world.
    You really should get this a chance, you know why?
DJ: Why?
Da: Because if you don't try new things,
    you'll never gonna know what you're missing out on.
St: Bye! Bye Dad.
Da: Hold it. Where do you think you're going?
St: Home.
Da: You are not going anywhere. Nobody is going any place unless it's
    back into those two rooms.
Je: There she is.
Da: I got this. What you two need to understand.
DJ: Dad?
Da: Yes? Stay!
DJ: Let me just talk to my sister alone, O.K? Woman to woman.
    I think I can help.
Da: All right. You can talk to her. But remember, I'm trusting you.
DJ: I promise we won't try to make a break for it.
Da: O.K.
DJ: Steph, what's wrong?
St: No friends.
DJ: You can't expect to make friends the first day.
    You know, when I started kindergarten, I didn't know anybody either.
St: What about Kimmy?
DJ: We were just in the same class.
    But I didn't talk to Kimie for six months.
St: Because she is an airhead?
DJ: She is not an airhead, she just hates thinking.
    It's probably why we are not in the same class any more.
    I just got stuck in a room full of omelet heads
    where I don't know one person. It's pretty scary.
St: Real scary.
DJ: But, Steph, you can't run away every time you are scared.
    If you don't try new things,
    you'll never know what you're missing out on.
    Where did I hear that? Oh, no, he was right.
St: Who was right?
DJ: You don't know him. Anyway, making friends takes time,
    but you got one real good friend at school already.
St: Who?
DJ: Me. And I'm right down the hall room seven.
    You can't miss me, I'm the only omelet head with blonde hair.
St: Thanks.
DJ: Steph, I'll go back to my class if you go back to yours, O.K?
St: O.K.

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